therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Randomize
