How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
