Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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