I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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