I hate all girls vehemently.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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