Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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