I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
