I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
