I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
