Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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