So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
