The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
