I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
