Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
