which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
