who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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