SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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