Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
