i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As shirtless as possible
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize