I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
