she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
