So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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