The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
