Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
