ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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