I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
