it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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