it hurts more in the daytime
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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