So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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