Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
