tell your sister to shave her snatch
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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