I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
