That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
