So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
