she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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