Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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