You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
