bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize