I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
