McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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