...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
