32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
