and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
