apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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