Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
