i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
