She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
