Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
