u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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