One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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