I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
