Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
handjob tips. give me some.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
