i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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