p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
