i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My vagina is very pro this idea
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize