my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
