glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
