we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
