I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
