uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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