Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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