Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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