used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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