A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
