We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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