hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
