is your mom at the bar?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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