He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize