Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize