Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
that may or may not have been my penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
