where am i from again
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
