I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he thought i was a dude.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
