If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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