He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
