Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
