shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
