A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
