I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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