I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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