What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
