Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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