I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's shark week go big or go home
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize