So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize
