I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I will pee on everything he values.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
