so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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