so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
