i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't deserve a penis
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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