Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
