I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
