I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
