That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize