Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
