Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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