I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
