Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
